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Especially for Kids
Brain Cases
- You were one of the first to get a brain, before they were perfected.
- But you did get a brain that day. The problem is that you should have asked for one to go.
- You got your brain very early. Apparently the warranty has run out.
- When they were handing out brains you arrived too late. All you got was a rain check.
- They just ran out of brains by the time you got there, so they gave you a nice wood carving instead.
- When they were handing out brains, you were the first in the queue. You held the door open for the rest of us.
- You didn't get a brain that day either. They were only handing them out to people who would use them.
- You got your brain first when they were handing them out in alphabetical order; A for "Aardvark"
Let's Face Facts
- Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.
- Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and several herds of charging elephants.
- If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.
- If you put your face by a door, nobody would ever come in.
- Your face is such a mess. You should stop using it to hammer in nails.
- Your face doesn't look like a doorstop. It looks like the door just kept going.
- Your face is such a mess. You should stop reading before slamming the book shut.
- Your face is such a mess. Why don't you get your dog something different to chew on?
- Your face is such a mess. When you practice diving, why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
- Your face is very becoming. It's becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.
Where were you when they gave out...
- When they were giving out heads, you thought they said beds. You said, "I'd like something soft."
- When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, You said, "Make mine oatmeal."
- When they were giving out noses, you thought they said roses. You said, "Give me a big red one."
- When they were giving out heads, you thought they said sheds. You said, "I'd like a nice big wooden one."
- When they were giving out looks, you thought they said book. You said, "Give me something funny."
- When they were giving out brains, you thought they said canes. You said, "I won't need one of those,"
- When they were giving out noses, you thought they said hoses. You said, "I don't mind if mine drips a little bit."
- When they were giving out faces, you thought they said cases. You said, "I'd like one made of leather."
- When they were giving out heads, you thought they said breads. You said, "I'd like mine nice and doughy."
Get Lost!
- If I said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional.
- You don't have to say anything. You offend me just by being in the area.
- I don't take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.
- Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.
- Don't worry about it. I've never listened to a thing you've said since the day I met you.
- Nothing you could say could offend me. I only get offended by things that make sense.
- I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.
- It's not what you say, it's the thought behind it that counts, and I know there's never any thought behind anything you say.
- I wouldn't get angry at you today. It's "Be kind to Animals" week.
Where HAVE I seen you before?
- You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade?
- I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.
- I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.
- I know you're trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.
- That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.
- You look familiar too, but that's not surprising. I collect bugs for a hobby.
- You look familiar too. Have I ever seen you hanging by the tail from the tree in my garden?
- Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time?
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